a better mommy...

last saturday was our first night alone with kyria... it was also the first time i broke down because i felt helpless... after i fed ky in the night, she kept crying non-stop for half and hour... from the time papa went to buy dinner till he came back... durng that time, i didn't know what to do... i just kept carrying her in my arms but her heart-wrenching cries just broke me... and i shouted at her... becuase i was frustrated... because i was clueless and most of all, helpless... she cried louder, and i cried harder...

it took a second feed to calm her down... but not my nerves... i was shoken from this experience, and i never want to hear my child cry like this again... i want to know what i can do for her, anything and everything...

papa and i also talked about the mental and emotional stress i had been going through the past one month between MIL and me... i felt very relieved that he understood and acknowledged what i was going through, and he assured me that even if he doesn't approach me there and then, it doesn't mean he isn't aware of what is going on and how i was feeling...

last night, for the first time, i felt thankful and also relieved that i was able to let go and accept help... perhaps i had been too bias of her and over-protective of my daughter, i wasn't able to see MIL's good side... all this while, she has been standing by me, trying to offer her hand whenever i needed it, but i just couldn't see it... was she the answer to my prayers? i guess God just wanted me to trust in his judgement... there are still certain things that i am not comfortable about, because of MIL's traditional beliefs... other than that, i believe things should be able to work out like before...